No doubt we've all heard that time flies when your baby is still little. Alexa is now over a month old, and I can say without hesitation that this is true! Having spent so much time prior to her birth wondering what it would be like to be a Father, I've been intending since she was born to write about the ways in which my life is suddenly different. However, there was just one problem: I still had no idea!
Not that I expected to immediately fully understand the implications of having a daughter; undoubtedly it'll take a while to even begin to figure this out. But particularly, in my case, I tend to process things slowly. Initially, it barely even registered in my mind that Alexa was mine. It felt like she was someone else's baby, and contrary to my expectations, taking her home didn't change much. I still wasn't making the connection. However, rather than making me feel disconnected in a discouraging way, this turned out to be a very enjoyable pace at which to get used to having a baby; this is because, rather than being hit with everything at once, I've been able to gradually grow accustomed to the fact that this is my daughter. Every day I'm at work, I miss her a little more and look forward more to coming home and seeing her. Every time I hold her, I grow a little more fond of her, and it feels just a little more real than the last time. Because of this, each time feels new to me, and nothing ever gets old.
One significant contributing factor to this all feeling new to me is the fact that I am not naturally good with babies. Most people reading this will know I'm a twin, and so I had no younger siblings. In addition, I was the youngest of all my cousins; so I had very little exposure to babies for most of my life. I am, admittedly, helpless when it comes to figuring them out. What do they need? What do they want? It's all foreign to me, especially in these first few months.
However, necessity has a way of making things change very quickly, and to my astonishment (and elation), I'm finding that babies are rapidly becoming demystified for me. They're not all that different from the rest of us, just smaller and more disproportionate. While I used to be afraid of even holding a baby (what if I drop her? am I holding her head correctly?), I'm now able to pick her up and bounce her around with confidence. Previously unable to even begin to figure out how to get a baby to stop crying, I'm now finding that it's not that complicated; in fact, I'm starting to wish that other people who are upset could be calmed simply by being bounced on a knee!
One particular recurring situation has stood out to me as special, and the makings of good memories. Sarah is without a doubt much more skilled with babies than I am, so when it comes to helping calm Alexa down, more than likely Sarah will be the one to do it. But occasionally she'll continue crying, and nothing seems to help. One particular time, it was nearly 2am, I had work the following morning, and had lost all hope of getting a good night of sleep. So I got up and asked Sarah if she wanted me to take a turn. She handed Alexa to me, and I walked her around for a while. Before I knew it, she was peaceful once more. Since this was during her first couple weeks, it was a huge boost to my confidence. Despite my lack of experience, apparently I wasn't so bad after all!
More recently, I've found that she loves being walked on the treadmill. I set the treadmill to a very low setting (it wouldn't be very good to have a baby flying through the air as I slip off of the thing), and hold her as I walk. While normally she makes noises and squirms around, particularly when she's bored, this is the one time during which she becomes completely still and peaceful. I think she likes the combination of the motion and the sound that the treadmill makes. Usually, she'll fall asleep within minutes whenever I do this.
However simple, I already know how quickly these occasions will turn into memories. She won't always be small enough to hold in such a way, and sooner than I even realize, she'll be mobile herself and busy discovering the world around her. So I'm doing my best to value these times and make sure to remember as much as I can!
