Am I Ready?

One of the questions I receive most frequently is whether I feel ready to be a father. My response?

"Nope."

 And I would immediately like to add that there would be reason for concern if I did feel ready.

I'm 26 years old, and have been married for roughly a year and a half. I've been through college and now work full time. I have a driver's license, I've voted, and I've had alcoholic beverages. In short, I've done everything I ever thought of as a barrier between myself and adulthood.

And yet, my experience has been what I'm sure is common to the vast majority of people: I never felt any more like an adult, despite each new milestone I reached. And I couldn't help but wonder at what point I would finally feel "grown up", or if that point would ever come at all.

For me, that point came on March 25th, 2016: the day I found out I was going to be a father.

It came, all of a sudden. Instantly I was filled with an overwhelming sense of responsibility. At that moment, in my own mind, I became an adult; not because of any sudden increase in my own maturity, wisdom, or experience, but rather, because of a vastly increased awareness of my need for those things. In a shorter time than I could possibly comprehend, there would be a new human being who would be totally dependent on me for much more than simply provision and support. This will be someone who, in the beginning, knows nothing about life, nothing about the universe in which we live. And it will be partially up to me to teach her everything I can about what she needs to know, and perhaps even more importantly, to impart to her an inquisitive nature and the ability to seek out and gain knowledge. This is such a simplistic way to state such an awesome and daunting task!

But there's more. My sudden sense of being an adult (or perhaps more accurately, my sense of the need to be an adult) was perhaps brought on most by the realization that this is someone who will look up to me, who will learn behaviors and attitudes from me, who will soak up every word I say and every idea I present. Never before has it been so important for me to carefully consider everything I say and everything I do. Every one of my actions, from now on, has the potential to have a part in shaping an entire mind, an entire life, in ways that could last far beyond my own lifetime.

So am I ready for this? In response to this question, I offer another: "Is anyone ever ready?" Of course not. If I felt ready, it could only mean that I don't understand the incredible responsibility ahead of me. And I don't pretend to fully understand it now either. Perhaps all I can do is acknowledge how little I yet understand, and be open not only to the advice and wisdom of those who have raised their own children, but also to every lesson that my own future experience has waiting for me.

However, my initial answer is incomplete. I would follow up my "no" by saying that I feel that I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Fatherhood is something for which no one can adequately prepare, so I'm not sure that if we had waited a little longer (or a lot longer), I would feel any differently.

Regardless, within a few weeks, a new life will enter the world, and I cannot imagine a greater privilege than to be given the responsibility of caring for, teaching, and loving that new life. With the help of God, the best wife anyone could ask for, and support from those I am fortunate to call my friends and family, I want to commit to doing the best that I can. It's going to be quite a ride, and I can't wait!